It’s the funny man’s birthday this day today. Born in 1880 and died in 1946, Fields:
was an American comedian and actor. Fields created one of the great American comic personas of the first half of the 20th century—a misanthrope who teetered on the edge of buffoonery but never quite fell in, an egotist blind to his own failings, a charming drunk, and a man who hated children, dogs and women, unless they were the wrong sort of women. (”I’m very fond of children… girl children, around 18 or 20!”)
Here are some funny quotes to sample:
“I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.”
“If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”
“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
“I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.)”
“Sleep — the most beautiful experience in life — except drink.”
“Women are like elephants. I like to look at ‘em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.”
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
“Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.”
Check out more quotes from Think Exist.
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A funny spoof on the action star Chuck Norris has been posted on the internet: 
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This re-educational tool developes politically correct attidues towards: equality, diversity, achievement, choice, competition, collective morality, and social justice!
